About an hour or so ago, I was reading through my previous posts. *sigh* I started this blog a year and a half ago, and I have done nothing and accomplished nothing that I set out to do. In fact, I weigh more now than I did when I began. My sugar addiction is at an all-time high, and my exercising is nil. Through a friend, I recently found a wonderful new friend who is a personal trainer. She does classes twice a week as well as offers advice and recipes. I went to her class last Tuesday, and I loved it. The group is great and everyone was so encouraging and funny. It didn’t take me long to feel at home. I planned to go back (the cost is minimal), but money right now is really tight.
I struggle more with knowing I haven’t followed thru with all the grandiose commitments I made in past blogs. I meant them, and I planned to do what I said. Unfortunately, I didn’t. I can’t focus on the first thought that floated through my head after reading these posts: “Where would I be right now, had I done what I said I would do?” God’s mercies are new every morning. Lamentations 3:22-23 (Amplified): “It is because of the Lord’s lovingkindnesses that we are not consumed, 23 Because His [tender] compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great and beyond measure is Your faithfulness.”
Again, it’s about choices. It’s about choosing to do what I know is right and healthy to do. Not just healthy physically, but healthy spiritually. My body needs physical food, but more than anything, it needs the spiritual food of the Word of God. “He humbled you and allowed you to be hungry and fed you with manna, [a substance] which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, so that He might make you understand [by personal experience] that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord.” Deuteronomy 8:3. For a few weeks, I was getting up early and having wonderful times with the Lord. But, like everything else, I quit doing it. I’m so frustrated with myself right now, because I still choose to keep my flesh a priority above the things I know my spirit needs. I NEED HIM. My flesh needs to have its way. I just heard the scripture “If it is unacceptable in your sight to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you live; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15. In my case, my gods are food, T.V. and my flesh. “For where your treasure is, there your heart [your wishes, your desires; that on which your life centers] will be also.” Matthew 6:21 (underline mine)
Where is my heart? It is in my choices. I thank God that He doesn’t see my faults, sins and shortcomings when He looks at me. He sees Jesus. He sees the Blood of my Savior that was shed on that cross. He sees me, as the Mercy Me song says, as flawless. I need to repeat this. I need to learn this. And I need to remember I’m forgiven. I need to forgive myself for messing up. And just like past blogs have said, I need to put my focus on Jesus. I need to leave the past in the past. That’s where it belongs. Yes, I haven’t followed through, but tomorrow is a new day. And when I wake up, He will be there.
And, He’s still waking me up in the morning. He’s still longing to fellowship with me. It’s His heart’s desire, and it needs to be mine. He loves me as much as He loves Jesus. As Jesus prayed in the garden before His death, He prayed these words in John 17:20-23: 20 “I do not pray for these (the disciples) alone [it is not for their sake only that I make this request], but also for [all] those who [will ever] believe and trust in Me through their message, 21 that they all may be one; just as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be one in Us, so that the world may believe [without any doubt] that You sent Me. I have given to them the glory and honor which You have given Me, that they may be one, just as We are one; 23 I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected and completed into one, so that the world may know [without any doubt] that You sent Me, and [that You] have loved them, just as You have loved Me.” (comment about the disciples and underline was my addition).
Each day, I have to make that choice. It has to be one or the other. I will either live by the Spirit or I will live by my flesh. One leads to life, the other, certain death. When will enough be enough?