I’m a firm believer in what you say is what you get. That being said, I obviously need to start repeating daily “I’m NOT a procrastinator”. In my first post since January, I committed to try to post every day, starting Saturday morning (yesterday). It’s now 7:05 on Sunday evening, and I’m just now doing it. I wasn’t too busy. I did what I have done really well for several years: I put it off. I reasoned with myself that I would absolutely get to it later. Turns out, I should have been more specific on what “later” actually meant. 

My commitment to journal isn’t the extent of my “put-it-off-idness”. I put off doing anything that’s good for me: reading the Word, praying, exercising (both physically and self-control). However, there are two things that I am really good at. Two things I have mastered in the 40 years I’ve walked the earth: eating and watching T.V. Sad, but true. They are idols in my life, because they are what I like to do best. Correction. They are what my FLESH likes to do best. Romans 8:13 says, “For if you live according to [the dictates of] the flesh, you will surely die. But if through the power of the [Holy] Spirit you are [habitually] putting to death (making extinct, deadening) the [evil] deeds prompted by the body, you shall [really and genuinely] live forever.” (All scriptures are Amplified unless otherwise noted). This needs to become a reality. The Word goes on to say in verse 14, “For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.”

Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.” It’s all about priorities. I make time for what means the most to me. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Luke 12:34. Truth be told, there are three idols in my life. I am the third. I have put myself above God and His desires. My actions have told Him day after day, as I go about my business, His desire to spend time with me isn’t important. I have spent so many years feeding my flesh and giving it whatever it wants, I feel almost numb to the things of God. I love Him, but I’m not IN LOVE with Him. There is no relationship or fellowship, but it’s not for lack of effort or desire on His part. I once read something that stated “if you treated your spouse like you treat the Lord, what would happen?” I can tell you. I wouldn’t have a spouse. I can’t imagine if Jason spent all of his time doing other things day in and day out instead of spending time with me. And vice versa. Being virtually ignored most of the day would not go over well at all with anyone, and yet, I take God for granted every. single. day. I think, He’ll forgive me, because He Loves me. Selfishness personified.

A while back, I asked the Lord to show me the root of why I do (and don’t do) things the way I do (and don’t do). His answer was clear. Love. I don’t truly KNOW God loves me. I don’t trust in His Love for me. It’s Agape – unconditional. I can’t earn it. I can’t deserve it, and I don’t have to. I know these things in my head, but my heart hasn’t grasped it. I should be diving into the Word with more tenacity than I dive into T.V. or a bowl of ice cream. I should be looking up scriptures on His Love for me. Understanding how He feels about me – how He sees me – should be the most important journey in my life right now. It boils down to one thing: choice. I CHOOSE to stay in bed every morning (even though I know He’s waking me up ahead of time), instead of getting up and getting my Bible out. I choose to sleep in instead of answering when He whispers for me to come to Him. Most of the time, I have to force myself to go back to sleep! I have NO excuse for not getting up and going to Him. I also choose to turn on the T.V. instead of listening to a sermon or teaching that would feed my spirit. I choose. I choose everything except Him. Things in my life will never change or get better as long as I continue down this path. He wants nothing more than the best life for me, and I find myself thinking there has to be more to life than this. I am overweight, because my spirit is starving. Literally. My choices have put me here. My choices have kept me here.

I am very good at verbally jumping in with both feet. The problem is, both feet usually end up in my mouth, because 9 times out of 10, I don’t follow through. I need to do what I say I will do. Period. When the Lord wakes me up in the morning (it’s usually 4 something), I want to leap out of bed and run to Him. He’s waiting. He’s always waiting. He Loves me. He always has. He created me to spend time with Him. He created me, BECAUSE He Loves me. He chose me. He called me. My goodness….

A very dear lady in my life told me a while back I need to search the Word for scriptures of Love. I have yet to do this. It was months ago. So much could have changed by now, had I done what I knew I should do. I CHOSE not to. I chose to keep putting it off. I tell myself every time I hear the whisper of the Father to come to Him, “I’ll sleep now, but I’ll spend time later. I’ll make sure I make time for Him later today.” Make time for HIM? Really?? How arrogant! How selfish!

Step 1: Find at least 1 Love scripture a week (unless the Lord recommends more). Memorize it. Write it down. Post it throughout the house, in my car, at work. Speak it out loud all day. “Therefore you shall lay up these My words in your [minds and] hearts and in your [entire] being, and bind them for a sign upon your hands and as forehead bands between your eyes.” Deuteronomy 11:18.

As I sit here thinking of all the times I have brushed God aside, the enemy is in my ear “It’s too late. He has given up on you. He doesn’t want you anymore.” I have news for the enemy. IT IS WRITTEN: “Be strong, courageous, and firm; fear not nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God Who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6. IT IS WRITTEN: “Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 IT IS WRITTEN (one of my favorites): “for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] ⁶ So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:5b-6.

Father, I ask You now, please forgive me for not making You THE Priority in my life. Forgive me for putting myself and my fleshly desires above You. Thank You for not giving up on me, and I ask You to continue to awaken me each morning. Thank You for Loving me in spite of me. Thank You for Your Word. Most of all, thank You for Jesus; He’s the reason for everything. I receive Your forgiveness now, and I thank You. Holy Spirit, please give me the scriptures You would have me see and know. Thank You that I have ears to hear, eyes to see and a heart that understands. Thank You, Father, for showing me what true Love is. Thank You for walking beside me in my journey of falling in Love with You. Thank You for continuing to speak to my heart, and I look forward to the many conversations to come. In Jesus’ mighty, holy, awesome and wonderful name I pray. AMEN AND AMEN!